Still in the train, ALONE! Kerala sure is a beautiful sight from the train. Its almost mid December and kerala is still green. And red too. The rock that they use to make those houses in kerala, amazing… there is something in the texture of the rocks that attracts me to it. Those fields with the plastic bags as scare crows. Crows remind me of phoonk. I bet these plastic bags can scare away more things than that movie.
Well now, I have some company. A father and his little daughter must be around 8-9 years old. They didn’t have a seat, don’t think they even have a ticket, but I gave them half of my seat, not that I needed company, I just didn’t care about anything, I just moved and gave them space. But, I kinda started liking the girl. Damn sweet. But, I didn’t care about asking her, her name… was too busy in the whole soul searching business.
Him feeding her home made food with his own hands makes me cry. Why? Was I never fed like that? I was, but not anymore. I lost that relationship with dad the day we moved out of andheri and our old house. His mistakes, mom & I suffered. Still haven’t come to terms with it. I want to forgive him but something within me doesn’t allow me to. May be I may never be such a good father. I sincerely feel so. I could never be a good brother, nor a good son… I’m not a good man anyhow. I sometimes wonder, the people I miss so much in my life, the people who I think about so much, would I have been nice to them, had they been with me, alive? I don’t know. Life doesn’t plan to give me a second chance, don’t think I want one. I want to go through it, shamelessly.
Its funny, the girl holds her breath and keeps looking towards the bathroom till her father comes back, our seat is the first one, form where the bathroom is visible. Where have I lost that kind of innocence? I was like that once in my life, what happened? I don’t know; don’t think I want to know at this stage in my life. Watching the girl do that over and over again just made me cry. The best I could do is gift the girl for all her sweetness and pray that she remains the same always. Life is truly not of the moments you breathe away, its made of the moments that take your breath away.
God knows when ernakulam will come and I will get off this soul searching trip of mine
Monday, December 15, 2008
8th december 2008 - the train journey
Every morning in my life is eventful, this one wasn’t a exception. Almost collided head-on with trucks, a few buses and countless number of cars. All this, just to get to town early so that I could get the calendar printed, which amazingly I got printed at 8 in the morning… Those shops around metro don’t seem to have much to do, all of them open pretty early. Back to the calendar, don’t know why but I did something like that for a girl… literally first time in my life… you may say there is always a first… but in such a case, I hate myself for doing it. Funny, xtremely funny… a self proclaimed heartless prick like me doing something like this for a girl is as funny as it could get. & that too for someone who is ‘just a friend’ plain, pretty plain… still just a friend. God knows! Don’t know who knows!
It’s a funny feeling to be travelling alone and that too a 1600 km journey over 28 hours. The scenery surrounding the konkan railway track do at times stop you from going into that soul searching trip, but not for long… it hits you, and it hits you where it hurts you as bad farah would feel if u cut her tongue off.
& the funny thing here is that a group of college students are travelling in the same compartment as I am going probably to goa or further, may be for their industrial visit. Shit! Looking at them I get a dose of what I will probably miss coz of this decision of mine to go to kochi for sailing. Will I regret it all my life? Sure, I will. I have been regretting not going with my school friends till now & I will regret not going this time too. Shit! I can hear all the scare crows in the farms saying go back! go back! I can’t … sailing is too way important, who says… she says… who she? I don’t know
May be life’s like that & every man in his quest to become great has always something to look back at. It’s a void, I void that makes him ordinary like others. Inside, deep inside!
It’s a funny feeling to be travelling alone and that too a 1600 km journey over 28 hours. The scenery surrounding the konkan railway track do at times stop you from going into that soul searching trip, but not for long… it hits you, and it hits you where it hurts you as bad farah would feel if u cut her tongue off.
& the funny thing here is that a group of college students are travelling in the same compartment as I am going probably to goa or further, may be for their industrial visit. Shit! Looking at them I get a dose of what I will probably miss coz of this decision of mine to go to kochi for sailing. Will I regret it all my life? Sure, I will. I have been regretting not going with my school friends till now & I will regret not going this time too. Shit! I can hear all the scare crows in the farms saying go back! go back! I can’t … sailing is too way important, who says… she says… who she? I don’t know
May be life’s like that & every man in his quest to become great has always something to look back at. It’s a void, I void that makes him ordinary like others. Inside, deep inside!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)