When Spartacus cried.......

Growing up happens in a heartbeat… One day you're in diapers, the next you're gone, but the memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul. I remember a house like a lot of houses, a yard like a lot of yards, on a street like a lot of other streets. I remember how hard it was growing up among people and places I loved. Most of all, I remember how hard it was to leave. And the thing is, after all these years I still look back… in wonder…

There are days, when go into the bathroom invert the bucket, sit on it and cry. It’s hard to believe and it’s embarrassing to accept. But yes I do cry at times.

There is a very different side of me people get to see often, a person who wants to make things happen, someone who cannot stop talking about the endless possibilities that human life has to offer…

I fail to understand the uncertainties and unpredictability of life..... And coming to terms with it as I grow up and learning to move along is the last thing on my mind. Things never turn out exactly the way you planned. And it never does. But the fact is, for most people, childhood is still the best times of our lives. And for that reason I hope things don’t turn out as they planned and I hope I never have to grow up…

There are things in the past you simply cannot deny. I still do... the world around me still doesn’t know, I want them to know, but the fact that opening may change the dynamics of my relationship with them, instills a fear in me, I have faced but hardly before. Not even the face of death did I ever feel so miserable that I feel when I look into the eyes of my friends and family and I lie… something’s will remain a part of me throughout this journey…

I don’t want it to end, nor do I want to be a part of it. But, the journey has started, not with my approval (does it really count) and so it will end (without my approval)…